So I recently wrote an entry on the whole dog story and that I’m kinda feeling like shit and all that.
Today I can say that I talked to the owner again, just because I was so frustrated and disappointed that I had let him down. Turns out it’d really help him if I took the dog for a walk once or twice a week. Now I can get used to everything, help him and make some money.
I think it’s a good idea. I mean…I’m still terrified that I’m going to do something wrong or that something’s going to happen, but I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet and try.
Yeah. So I’ll try to integrate that into my daily/weekly schedule. Hopefully it’ll all work out and NOT result in me breaking down again.
Which leads us to the next issue, which is my recent breakdown.
I had a therapist’s appointment today and we talked about said breakdown. Just because my body doesn’t seem to react to…you know…signs my brain’s transmitting and that all that’ll really grab my attention is when my body is shutting down (having trouble breathing, getting dizzy, suddenly feeling extremely tired etc).
So my therapist went ahead and presented me with this theory that our mental state consists of different parts, which is similar to maybe…hearing voices or interacting with them in a way that’ll make them represent different views, stances. Example…I found out that there is a part (of me) that can’t shut stuff out. War on drugs, women’s rights, sexual harassment, bullying, lgbtq rights, human rights. Everything I’m involved in. Everything I fight for. And sometimes even tragedies I saw on the news. A little boy, murdered. A teenager, beaten to death. I can’t shut it out. It just keeps playing in my head. And that results in me wanting to do more and more and more. And working, working, working. To make things better. To share links and petitions and newspaper articles. (Just a rough sketch of said part.)
And then there’s the part that’s saying: where are YOU? Why haven’t you eaten? Why aren’t you treating yourself right. Things like that.
And that theory is about getting to know these parts really well by asking different questions like…how old are they? Are they older/younger than your actual age? What is their view on different things. Just to try and help them (the parts) work together and to blend together.
I thought that was very interesting and will definitely look into it further.
Aside from that…mhm.
No. I think that’s it.