Haunted, Take 2.

So I recently wrote an entry on the whole dog story and that I’m kinda feeling like shit and all that.

Today I can say that I talked to the owner again, just because I was so frustrated and disappointed that I had let him down. Turns out it’d really help him if I took the dog for a walk once or twice a week. Now I can get used to everything, help him and make some money.

I think it’s a good idea. I mean…I’m still terrified that I’m going to do something wrong or that something’s going to happen, but I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet and try.

Yeah. So I’ll try to integrate that into my daily/weekly schedule. Hopefully it’ll all work out and NOT result in me breaking down again.

Which leads us to the next issue, which is my recent breakdown.

I had a therapist’s appointment today and we talked about said breakdown. Just because my body doesn’t seem to react to…you know…signs my brain’s transmitting and that all that’ll really grab my attention is when my body is shutting down (having trouble breathing, getting dizzy, suddenly feeling extremely tired etc).

So my therapist went ahead and presented me with this theory that our mental state consists of different parts, which is similar to maybe…hearing voices or interacting with them in a way that’ll make them represent different views, stances. Example…I found out that there is a part (of me) that can’t shut stuff out. War on drugs, women’s rights, sexual harassment, bullying, lgbtq rights, human rights. Everything I’m involved in. Everything I fight for. And sometimes even tragedies I saw on the news. A little boy, murdered. A teenager, beaten to death. I can’t shut it out. It just keeps playing in my head. And that results in me wanting to do more and more and more. And working, working, working. To make things better. To share links and petitions and newspaper articles. (Just a rough sketch of said part.)

And then there’s the part that’s saying: where are YOU? Why haven’t you eaten? Why aren’t you treating yourself right. Things like that.

And that theory is about getting to know these parts really well by asking different questions like…how old are they? Are they older/younger than your actual age? What is their view on different things. Just to try and help them (the parts) work together and to blend together.

I thought that was very interesting and will definitely look into it further.

Yeah.

Aside from that…mhm.

No. I think that’s it.

 

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4 thoughts on “Haunted, Take 2.

  1. Das mit der Seite, die sich um alles kuemmert etc. pp. hab’ ich auch schon bei deinen Twitter-Posts gemerkt..
    Aber ist schon interessant sowas..

    Und ich finds auch gut, dass du dein Gewissen (hoffe ich?) etwas dadurch beruhigen kannst, indem du mit dem Hund ein paar mal gehst.. Und ich hoffe du schaffst das auch! 🙂 Und das Hundi freut sich sicher darueber. Und dass du dafuer auch noch Geld bekommst, ist auch toll. Und wenn du normalerweise Gym in deinem Plan unterkriegst, wirst du das sicher auch mit dem Hund schaffen..

    Und auch wenn das jetzt komisch klingt.. Ich haette mich eher getraut, jemanden zu fragen, ob ich mit dem Hund gassi gehen kann, also Tyler Oakley bei Twitter anzuschreiben xD Bloeder Zusammenhang.. Internet ist ja eigentlich total distanziert und man hat eine gewissene Anonymitaet, trotzdem bin ich da irgendwie sehr .. zurueckhaltend.
    Aber ich trau mich jetzt schon Kommentare unter YouTube Videos zu schreiben in denen ich die Personen im Video anspreche! 😀

    1. Vielen Dank für die lieben Worte. 🙂 Baut mich sehr auf.

      Du kennst Tyler? 😀 Cool.
      Naja…indirekte Kommunikation fällt mir irgendwie leichter – also Leute zum Beispiel per E-Mail ‘ansprechen’ oder via Twitter. Konversation machen an sich ist auch nicht das Problem; eher das Ansprechen.
      Aber ich arbeite daran. 🙂

      Nochmal vielen Dank fürs Kommentieren. (Und viel Glück bei den Kämpfen, die du gerade ausfechtest.) 🙂

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