509.9

I’m scared today.

Scared of the future.

Scared that nothing will ever go right. Or left. Or anywhere else than here.

I’m scared that I’ll have to live this life, this life I currently have, until the day I die.

I’m scared that I’ll be crippled by this mind-numbing awfulness of the dark that surrounds me and my thoughts and that I’ll never amount to anything because of it.

I’m scared that I’ll never be able to change where I am. Or evolve. Not because I don’t want to. But because the energy is being drained from my body by screaming doubt and paralyzing fear and the terrifying knowledge that I’ve walked this road before and failed.

I’m afraid that I’ll not get to chase my dreams and move on to bigger and better things and forever be stuck in my head and this house.

I’m afraid.

Terrified.

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2 thoughts on “509.9

  1. Hang in there. By your fingernails, if necessary. You can get through this. Do you have faith? When I remember God is with me, whether I feel Him or not, it calms my panic and I can hold on.

    1. Thank you, that means a lot. Even though I am holding on by my fingernails.
      I will get through this, I am sure of it. But sometimes everything just gets very overwhelming. I try to remind myself how many things I’ve overcome already, but it’s hard.
      I don’t have faith, but I do have an amazing support system of family and friends. Today, I’ll just try and do what brings me happiness.
      Thank you again.

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