bipolar

Demonic Wolves.

~ Nike ~ 2 Comments

The past weeks I have had nightmares about wolves – literally every single night. And I’m like: what the heck? I really don’t know what to think of it. I mean…I always had a very strong connection with the moon, but seriously? I’m not turning into a werewolf, now am I? And these dreams – nightmares – are so freaking graphic. I’m not going into detail right now, but these dreams are so freaky.

But the really weird thing is that yesterday I watched this movie and it had a sequence with like…demon-possessed wolves and I’m like…”yeah, this is really gonna trigger these damn nightmares”. But it didn’t. Not that I remember, anyway.

Freakyyyyyy.

 

In other news: I am not better. At all. And now I’m not only fighting _drowning_, I’m also fighting my stomach. ‘Cause my eating disorder decided to fully kick in again. Yay.

Gah. This sucks.

 

Still in Pieces.

~ Nike ~ 2 Comments

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday.

It went… Uhm. At first it went really well, but then..

I broke down.

I hadn’t cried in front of him for a long time. Usually I can contain myself really well, but this is just getting to me.

I seriously don’t know the majority of what he said anymore. I just know that he kinda thinks it’s somehow reason to worry that I feel how I feel right now. But on the other side he thinks it’s good that I don’t have to rely on ‘the voices’ so much anymore. He thinks it’s progress.

I think it’s reason to worry. But I didn’t tell him that.

I just… I don’t know what to think anymore.

He then advised me to up the dose of one of my meds. Which I really hope will help.

He also advised me to get an appointment with my therapist as soon as possible because he thinks that is part of what makes me feel like I’m falling apart on the inside. Because I kinda depend on her. And because it tore a little hole when I stopped seeing her.

Last time I saw him he said something like: “I think you’ll be able to come to terms with your disorder in the near future and I think you’ll be able to depend on yourself and be stable enough for it.” He didn’t seem to remember that yesterday. He said he saw progress, but that he also saw a need for a new round of therapy.

Mhm.

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In other news…

Mel decided to go to a clinic for residential therapy! I’m so very proud of her! I really hope it’ll help her. (Though there is some kind of ‘please wait in line till we can take you’ going on.) We’re all here for you, sweets! I’ll write to you everyday, if you want me to! Stay strong. LOVE YOU!